You Never Really Recover After Losing A Loved One.

I lost my mother on June 17, 2017, the worst day of my life.

Being in a brown family, we are constantly reminded of “log kya kahenge?”(what will people say?). My mom was one of the few people who didn’t give a crap about that. She taught me to live life freely and chase after whatever I wanted and believed in. When I was growing up, I didn’t have friends and I relied on my mom a lot. She told me to not care for what others opinions about you because the only person who truly knows you, is you. She taught me a lot, and it moulded me into the person I am today. Mom, thank you.

I still vividly remember the day I was diagnosed with single-sided deafness; my mom was shortly after diagnosed with glaucoma and anaemia. She would cry every time I went through an operation, and I would cry every time she was admitted to the hospital. It was a tearjerking but loving mother-daughter relationship. She was someone whom I knew would always be there for me no what, or at least that's what I thought.

The day I lost her was the most painful I have ever had in my life, and deep in my heart, I know nothing could ever hurt me like that. That day, all I could think of is what or how I could’ve saved her, thinking it’s all my fault. I couldn’t even bear to live with myself, begging God to have taken me instead.

It still hurts to this day when I think about it. But now, I know that I’m not alone, and it’s something that many people go through. All I want to say to those going through this is, don’t blame yourself and talk to your loved ones about it. Talking helps. Crying helps. Heck even screaming helps. But remember, yes it is hard but you can and will get through it. This is for my mother and anyone who had ever lost a loved one. From me to you, I love you.