Other people often told me how lucky I was, but I never really saw it until I lost everything.
I was in primary school when things went south. At that point in life, I was already beginning to feel the initial onset of depression. I had pressure from school, family and simply life in general. The only thing I could clung onto was the comfort of stability— until even that was taken away from me.
Both my parents lost their jobs at the same time. They tried to get back on their feet, but bills were piling up faster than they were getting paid. With Hong Kong’s high living costs, we eventually found ourselves on the brink of bankruptcy. Everything happened so fast. It felt like someone had pulled the rug from under my feet— propelling me into a disarray of emotions.
My parents used what little money they had left to put me into a good school in the Philippines. Despite having a hard time making ends meet, they pushed through with my education. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very grateful for that, but I felt like an outsider. I was attending a school where everyone was wealthy and there I was, putting up a facade. I think that was the first time I truly understood privilege. While my classmates would brag about their shiny new phones and clothes, I only had what was left of the belongings before I left Hong Kong. It sucked to see the contrast between our positions in life, but it made me appreciate what I had at that moment.
I continued being optimistic, but the situation was mentally and physically draining. My financial issues kept me from indulging in the simple luxuries of life like hanging out with friends. Since I would always say no to my classmates’ invites, they eventually stopped asking. I became the kid that was left out.
Outside of school, my family lost everything. It came to a point where we only had a one-peso coin to our name; we walked everywhere, enduring the heat of the scorching sun because we couldn’t afford public transportation. One of the only days wherein I felt like myself again was during my birthday, when my parents saved up to surprise me with Jollibee. Who would’ve thought that happiness and satisfaction could come in the form of junk food?
Later on, my family was able to regain financial stability when we took a risk, sold what little assets we had left, and put it into a business. Soon after that, my family bought one-way tickets to Hong Kong. We were finally going home. The boarding pass that I clutched tightly in my right fist that day symbolized something bigger than me and my hardships; it is a reminder that when you have nothing left in your life, it can serve as space for things you have yet to gain.
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