Sometimes in life, it may seem as if you have the entire world in your hands, and yet that world could feel so empty, so unfulfilling and so… lacking.
My journey truly begins after DSE, when everyone considered me to be the “luckiest” person out there to have been accepted into Bachelor of Computer Sciences (C.S). But was I actually lucky? For what I really wanted to study was filming and acting. Under the pressure of my parents, I decided to sacrifice my happiness and ended up in a course that I had little to no interest in. Not being able to take it anymore I thought if I’m honest with my parents, maybe they would understand. I confronted my parents that I wanted to go abroad and study filmmaking but not C.S. But all I got in return was rejection and ridicule. “You have the entire world in your hands Davinder, what more do you want? Don’t throw this away just like that”, my father said to me that day. And just like that I gave up and thought my fate was sealed, that I had no more control over it.
One thing is clear in life, there is no happiness in doing something you don’t enjoy and what makes it worse is when the closest people in your life go against that one and the only thing you want to do. With that, I went into a state of hopelessness and started abusing marijuana. I would smoke day and night, skip all my classes and come home late. When questioned, I would ignore my parents and not talk to them properly. As time went by, the substance abuse increased and things became more than just “out of hand”. I was constantly chasing a new “high” and it became a routine. Soon I dropped out of Computer Sciences and my parents were freaking out. I had turned myself into a project of self-destruction. I had become the “disgrace” to the family. It felt as if the whole world had come crashing down as if there was no more turning back but only regrets. Just like that, I went from being “lucky” to a disappointment. It's funny how a major impact can be made in one's life by the smallest looking factors. And when you cannot meet the invisible standards that have been set, you are labelled a “failure”. And I had become that failure
As J.K Rowling puts it, one of the most beautiful things about being rock bottom is that you can use it as a foundation to rebuild your entire life. I found my rock bottom after I dropped out of Computer Sciences and started abusing marijuana. With this, the only direction left to go towards from here was up. In the disarray of life, I found a pinch of hope one day. It was my elder brother. I still remember till this very day the night he barged into my room and said words that pierced my heart like double-edged swords. “What are you doing with your life? Do you plan to throw everything away just like that? With one rejection? Think of those who fall a thousand times but still know how to get back up on their two feet to fight on! No great actor started easy, that’s what makes them so great!”
There was a pain but also salvation. His words somehow led me into thinking my state of life was a big flop and that it was finally time for me to take action and make a change. By mid-2018, I started planning out my work and fought addiction. I started to inculcate a mindset that I do not have to think about what others will think. I do not have to allow these limitations to be the end of everything for I can break out of them one step at a time. Turning plans into concrete steps, today, I am boldly pursuing my dream of becoming an actor. My addiction has stopped. I have started an IG page expressing my passion for cinematography and do movie reviews. I’m even acting in a Shakespearean production and have made two short films. Most importantly, my relationship with my parents has largely improved.
All this was because of action and of course the dagger-like but needed words from my brother. So what if the career I am interested in is not mainstream? So what if I will not be as successful as other people in stable jobs? I learnt that as long as love, happiness and comfort are provided to you through doing something that satisfies you, nothing much really matters and neither should you let external factors ruin the satisfaction in life. Not many dare to choose the risky path but on the other side of fear lies ultimate bliss, a new “high”.
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