I wouldn’t say I grew up a lonely child. I was a fairly level-headed and forthright kid growing up. But as the years went by and I became more conscious of myself and the world around me, I became constantly aware of how alone I actually was. How lonely I felt. It could’ve been the innateness of human nature and our identity as social animals longing to belong, but I was always performing in front of others and detaching my true self from how I presented myself. Going with the flow, watching second-rate tv dramas, laughing at jokes I couldn’t wrap my head around, I did it all. I spent a great deal of my teenage years conforming and it only accelerated my way down to lonely-town. Whenever I was alone, I wouldn’t know if the reflection in the mirror was who I was or the person I pretended to be. Pretty soon though, I decided enough was enough and educated myself on the drives and ways out of this personal plight. I found a way that resonated with me at that particular point in time; to communicate with myself. Layout everything. Raw and bare. Find out what defines me in the smallest ways possible because I wasn’t a problem to be solved, I was someone with a life. And there was one thing I was sure of, a trait, a habit I had polished; I would always look for answers and have well-read opinions on things. Be it current or political issues, music, relationships et cetera, I wouldn’t allow myself to settle and remain an uninformed Jane. That is one thing I saw clearly and that is what helped me get in touch with my true self.
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