I was caught completely off guard by my mother’s sudden passing, we all were.
It happened during my final year of university. My life up to that point had been comfortable—we were a middle-class family that could afford the little luxuries in life. Yet, just as I was about to graduate as a nurse, my mother had a fatal heart attack. I was at a loss. She was a strong and healthy woman, a heart attack was the last thing on anyone’s mind. This proved too much for my father. He crumbled under the grief and sank into a deep depression. It wasn’t long until he abandoned us as well. We were left with nothing but ourselves.
So there I was, the eldest of three recently orphaned children and the new owner of my parents’ landlord business. And aside from all this, I still had my studies, it was still my final year. I was overwhelmed with all the new responsibilities. I mean, I was barely an adult struggling to get through school, let alone learn how to run a business.
My relatives were kind enough to step in and lend a hand. They brought in the family lawyer and had me sign a contract. They told me to not worry, to focus on my studies, and to let them help handle the business. They were family, I trusted them. It was only later that I found out I had been cheated. Trust had blinded me to the fact that I was signing away the rights to my family business. By the time I noticed that the amount of money being added to my family’s account had shrunk considerably, it was already too late.
To preserve what little passive income we still received from our relatives, I sent my siblings to live in the countryside whilst I stayed alone in the dorms to finish my studies. I studied day and night, hoping to make up for all the times I told my mother I was “too busy studying” to visit her. Eventually, I passed the board exam, and after a lonely graduation ceremony I finally set out for a job.
At first, I tried to make use of my degree by working as a nurse in Manila. But this wasn’t enough to support my younger brother and sister through their schooling. So I took another job. I worked the eight-hour graveyard night shift at a call center handling accounts from Macy’s and Wellsfargo. I say graveyard shift because I would normally just fall asleep after taking my break.
My work had only just begun and I was already getting burnt out. It was clear to me that something had to change. With all this, the next job on my journey was life in Hong Kong, the life of a helper.
I never planned on becoming a helper. In fact, I didn’t have to become one, I still had that choice. Yet, here I am in Hong Kong. I think I ended up abroad not out of necessity but out of a desire for change and exploration. I needed an escape from my home, where everything had been left in ruin.
One of my aunts had been working in Hong Kong for several years. She told me of a Korean couple who needed another helper to take care of their son who had autism. She encouraged me to take the opportunity to explore the world, to explore myself, and to live a little. With nothing to else lose, I took that leap of faith.
I had heard the stories of mistreatment and abuse. Giving up a stable professional career for such a job overseas was kinda crazy, and I hit several points in my life where I thought “I’m failing”. I still remember the puzzled look my nurse friends gave when they first heard. They kept asking me “why are you going there with a domestic helper visa? What about your career as a nurse?”
Thinking back these were pretty reasonable concerns, but I don’t regret my decision. My employers have been supportive and I have grown and matured in ways that I know I could not have if I had stayed home. Because it’s hard to learn when you’re too busy spending day and night just trying to keep your head above water. That’s how I felt back home. Crushed. Drowning in responsibility.
But here, I’ve been given the chance to experience the world outside my comfort zones, outside what I learned at school or the hospital. It has taught me how to overcome adversity, it has given me grit. The transition from nurse to helper enabled me to realise my inner purpose: caring for others. It’s not a job anymore, it is a passion. Whether it was the little boy or the elders, with each subsequent job I learned that as a helper, I needed to be like a real mother who would take care of everybody and treat them as family.
With all that said, I still plan on going home and becoming a nurse again. I am determined to bring back what my family has lost, but not through vengeance. Over the years since my mother’s passing, I have come to believe that forgiving my aunt and uncle is the only way to let go of the past and not perpetuate a cycle. Coming to Hong Kong marks my new beginning.
Comments